To understand the following, I want to explain three things. First, I’ve been struggling with mental health and maintaining balance since I was a kid. Secondly, I’ve been meditating for a few years now, using a few apps as assistance (Ten Percent Happier, Waking Up, Headspace), and a few podcasts (Ten Percent Happier, The One You Feed). The thid thing that might help you paint a picture of my head-space is that I just recently stopped taking an overly prescribed SSRI, and my head has become full of internal chatter.
This morning, I woke up at the time I wanted (10:00 AM) – after my lovely wife briefly interrupted my slumber for my coffee order at 5:30 AM. I felt terrible. My body was writhing from the pressure of the bloating from last night’s pizza. My brain was in a fog.
But, I had the presence of mind to open my Ten Percent Happier app. Up popped a new meditation (which if you use this every day, any new content can feel like a godsend). Jeff Warren was discussing “The Inner Critic”. So, I grabbed the coffee my wife set aside for me, sat down on the wet cushions outside, and decided I was going to commit to it.
He asked me to look at all the voices or processes in my head. Now, if when I started out, I was asked to do this, I don’t know I would have seen them all, as I would get carried away in them as they came up. But, my role was to be an impartial observer, noticing the themes and frequency, but not to get carried away.
It was like an antidote. In a 15 minute session, I must have seen 50 themes my brain was looping through with self-criticism. They maybe were serving me, but maybe they were just a bit cluttered. Regardless, by just hearing them out, my brain let them go. Will they come back eventually? Probably. But right now, the mind is more like water, the ripples come, and they go, and the calm remains.
As it ended, I was left with one insight, and I’d like to share it with you, dear reader:
A lot of people say: “Be careful, they’re very self conscious about that.” What I think they mean to say is “Be careful, they’re very self critical about that.” If someone were conscious to the processes in their head, they would be better able to metabolize them. Being self critical isn’t a bad thing. It keeps us humble, it helps us learn, it helps us respect others. But, if we’re not conscious about how critical we are, perhaps we’re just critical. And maybe that doesn’t serve us.
With this, I’ll make the plug – try out this meditation and see what arises for you.
Connor MacDonald 